Self Control?
April 9, 2019
I have been working on another book and the primary theme is the nine Fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23). The researching and writing on such a topic is difficult because of the constant reminder of how wide the gap is between what I should be doing and what I am actually doing. This week, it was the last fruit, self-control, that irritated my conscience. You know the feeling. The scratchy clothing tag on the back of your neck when you are slightly sweaty. Yeah, that feeling.
I am setting aside the aspect of self-control that relates to resisting chocolate cake, and looking at self-control as Paul writes to Timothy. In 2 Timothy 2: 24-25, Paul admonishes Timothy not to participate in quarrels but to be kind to everyone, to be patient and tolerant when wronged, and to correct those in opposition with courtesy and gentleness in the hope that God may grant that his opponent will repent and be lead to the truth.
I have a fairly high-stress job. It frequently requires me to correct a person and to clearly communicate what is acceptable behavior in the workplace. There are days that I spend most of my 40-minute commute verbally rehearsing the tongue lashing I want to give that person. Some people say it is important to get all that out of your system, so you don’t say it to the person’s face. They call it cathartic. But, I am not so sure about that. Verbalizing the angry things I want to say only makes me feel yuckier and angrier.
About 35 minutes into my private commuting rant, the Holy Spirit usually pings me. I am reminded that instead of ranting about the offender, I should be praying for them. My thoughts turn from anger to empathy as I start thinking about why this person might be acting the way they are acting. By the time I pull into my parking spot, I am ready to ask questions instead of to accuse and assume evil intent.
Self-control is as much a leadership skill as it is a Fruit of the Spirit. As a believer, I have access to the power of the Holy Spirit to exercise a level of self-control I could not conjure up on my own power. The Holy Spirit guides and prompts me into another line of thinking about the situation. I simply have to yield to the Holy Spirit.
The instruction Paul gave Timothy was to correct others with courtesy and gentleness in the hope that God will lead them to repentance and the truth. I am not responsible for the change in the other person; it is God who brings that about. I am responsible to speak the truth to them in polite gentleness. Experience has shown me, without exception, that exercising self-control in correcting someone in polite gentleness produces the best outcome.
